So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
