so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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