i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize