When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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