whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
