Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
