why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
