he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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