Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
only if we run a train.
done.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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