On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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