I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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