he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
