This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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