I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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