See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
