I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize