so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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