so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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