She's JV to your varsity
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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