No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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