i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
