I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
