why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
