I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
