She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
