omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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