I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sext me about skeletons
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize