Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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