im having a threesome with these popsicles
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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