she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
