I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
