i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
