dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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