You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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