saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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