WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she pinky promised me she was 18
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
