even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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