I cockslap morals
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
