Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
