Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hello my rib-scented angel!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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