Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
