i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
