I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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