I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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