I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
