Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well I just put wine in my tea
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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