3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
