I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
