tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
