Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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