Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
