apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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