Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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