HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
