If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
