That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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