so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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