i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
vagina is talking i cant
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
