so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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