Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
