I have demons in me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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