Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize