My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
