I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
NoShamevember. You game?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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