Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
