his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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