I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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