Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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