Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
