the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize