I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
