your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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